Change & Finding Happiness

 

Hey everyone! 

Today I wanted to post a more chatty kind of blogpost, one about myself and one where you can share your stories in the comments if you so wish and we can have a nice talk with eachother about what we're feeling. It might not be as happy peppy and short and sweet as it usually is, so I apologise for that, but this is what I wanted my blog to be about. I wanted to talk about change, and finding your own happiness. 

Now, change has always been a scary thing for me ever since I was younger. I've never liked my birthday coming around each year, because it means I'm going to be a year older and I really don't like the thought of that. The only birthdays that I have been excited for that I can remember were turning 10 because I was "double digits", 13 because I was a "teenager", 16 because I thought being 16 was the bomb and I was SUCH an adult at that age (not, what a horrible age to be!!), and 18, for the obvious reasons and now I was legally in England an 'adult' and I could drink legally and be an avid party animal legally. 

In a few days to whenever I post this, I am going to be turning 20. TWENTY!! I'm not going to be a teenager anymore, and in the USA I'm still not classified as an adult! I'm just an awkward human-thing that's roaming around and meant to have her life together but really doesn't have their life together at ALL. I'm going to be coming out of my teens and that is really daughnting for me... I'm not too sure how to cope with it. It gives me anxiety, which I have suffered with for a number of years, but maybe we'll get to that at a later date.

I'm lucky enough to be in New York for my 20th birthday, with my boyfriend who is the best person in the world (and i shall be vlogging it, if you want to subscribe and see all those cool bits and bobs) but I'm still SCARED! 

I'm scared of changing into a drastic age, I'm scared of what is to come in the future (and excited, but mostly scared), and I'm also scared of the fact I'm not happy with what I'm doing with my life right now, and is this it forever? Because I really hope it isn't. I currently work in a dead-end job, in which I have been working for 2 years and I've hated every moment of it. It makes me so unhappy, and I would never wish this sort of life upon anyone. But how do I get out? I feel trapped, trapped in my job and trapped in my unhappy life. I come to be myself at the weekends, when hopefuly I can spend time with my boyfriend, or go and travel to see my friends at university.

But all weekend all I can think is that when Monday comes back around, I'm straight back into work, and straight back into being unhappy for a whole 5 days, just working so I can get money and pay off my debts with my family, and have 2 happy days out of 7. That's no life to lead! But I don't know how to get out. Not many places are jumping at the oppertunity to hire me, and I can't just leave my job because it pays for my car, and pays for my amazing trips away travelling to America. So what does one do? Are you in the same situation as me? Are you as scared of change as I am? Because I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets worried about the future and worried about being stuck in your horrible job for the rest of your life.

We ALL deserve happiness. We all deserve to be surrounded by loving people, who love us and we love back, be surrounded by co-workers in a job you love and wanting to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. We all deserve to be not scared of change - because change should be good, really, shouldn't it?! 

This is all over the place and I am sorry for that, I'm just feeling a lot of emotions right now... and it probably doesn't help that it's my 'lady time' of the month... but chocolate and copious amounts of english breakfast tea does help that.

So, thoughts? Fears? Woes? Worries? I want to hear them all, vent to me. Get expressive. Get emotional. Then maybe we can help eachother. It's always nice to have a shoulder to lean on, and usually, strangers are the best ones for that. I won't judge you.

Thanks for reading my ramble. I shall leave you with this, the great words of Taylor Swift

"These things will CHANGE, can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down."

Keep smiling, (even if it's diffiult)

Paige x